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[20 Mar 2006|09:15pm] |
new el jay...
ABChelloXYZ
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| GAY |
[19 Mar 2006|07:23pm] |
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mood |
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 GAY |
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I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face
But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting
I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break
..........
I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you
Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting
..........
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| stupid survey. |
[15 Mar 2006|08:38pm] |
(1) Your gender: female
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: Straight
(3) Single?: yes
(4) Want to be?: no
(5) Your birth day: aug. 13th
( Surveyy Says... )
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| read? maybe? |
[14 Mar 2006|09:05pm] |
i'm completely exhausted. my energy needs to be focused on something good. i know that if i wait and keep myself under control, good things will come. but that's so much harder than it seems. i guess the people who really do mean well come when you need them. love those girlsss i knew i should have been a lesbo. jay-kay you guys.
my mind is trying to comprehend all of this at once, and its having a really hard time. i can't figure anyone out, myself as well.
prom is coming up, and for some reason EVERYONE was talking about it. it's a shame. all the money i've wasted on it, for nothing. i really did love that dress.
tonite i wanted to go to youth group. ended up getting new cleats for the game tomorrow, my purple ones dont fit and my red ones cut me up. then i went to chinese with my mom. there's so many things i want to tell her, but can't bring myself to do.
i took a shower for about an hour and a half tonite. and i realized i need to do something. alot of somethings, for myself, and the ones i lovee. i don't know if i can put myself through that again though. solving it was worse than actually having the problem. but i need to be less selfish and put myself through that, so the ones i care about don't...okay that sentence was confusing. but whatevaa.
this week is fine. this week is good. i've lost 13 lbs in 3 days. woot ! woot? i dont know. even though i CANT FUCKING TASTE FOOD. My dad keeps packing me PB&J and i HATE it now. enough is enough mannn.
first game tomorrow. i think im going to puke. nah im just guna suck, alot. and be disappointed. but maybe not. practice mellows me out for sure, maybe a game will do the same?
thats all i can translate tonite. from becky to english.
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[12 Mar 2006|11:33pm] |
im definetly tired, but can't sleep.
im missing OH. ouch. OH just left, that hurt. i
hope OH doesn't take me cleaning everything up
the wrong way.hope OH stops by tomorrow, i really do.
im not going to school tomorrow. someone hit me up please.
this week is not starting off good. well sorta.
i talk to my best friend more. alot of people are venting
by talking to me, which is cool. its making me relaxed and
less focused on myself, which is awesome.
but i'm worried. worried sick of course.
i'm sad, at least not mad anymore.
i wish i could make a world of difference.
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| this is theeeee song of the next i dont know how long. |
[12 Mar 2006|05:08pm] |
Take it back, take it all back now
The things I gave, like the taste of my kiss on your lips,
I miss that now
I can't try any harder than I do
All the reasons I gave, excuses I made for you
I'm broken in two
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you
Don't walk away
Touch me now how I wanna feel
Something so real, please remind me
My love, and take me back
Cuz I'm so in love with what we were
I'm not breathing I'm suffocating without you
Do u feel it too?
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you
Yeah I need you
When I'm in the dark and all alone
Dreaming that you'll walk right through my door,
Its then I know my heart is whole
There's a million reasons why I cry
Hold my covers tight and close my eyes
Cuz I don't wanna be alone
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me waiting and left to wonder
I need you
All the things left undiscovered
Leave me empty and left to wonder
I need you, I need you
Cuz I can't fake and I can't hate
But it's my heart
Thats about to break
You're all I need
I'm on my knees
Watch me bleed
Would you listen please
I give in
I breathe out
I want you, theres no doubt
I freak out, I'm left out
Without you, I'm without
I'm crossed out
I'm kicked out
I cry out
I reach out
Don't walk away
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| you're a big gay. me too. |
[05 Mar 2006|08:15pm] |
so week went as follows:
thursday night hawthorne heights with dave <333 it was awesomeness all around.
friday night. first school ball practice.[[cold as balls. 30-some degrees outside and we were effing out there. i think i pulled muscles. what kind of idiot makes you run before stretching in that cold!?!?! only middle township. and then wishart told me he wanted me to throw. that niggasss crazy. mr rosenkrans didnt really want me to at all. but since wish said i should. then i tried to. but my fingers were wo swollen and i couldnt hold the ball.]] afterwards work. then the play [[which was slammin']] then girls night.
saturday practice at the school [[indoors!!]]. left early to go to work. taught some kids to swim and all that jaunt. then went to daves. like i said in my last entry. that was...uh wow.
today went to practice in Deleware. took the ferry with katiewood. left about a half an hour early to try and catch the 4:15 pm ferry home. ended up being full. had to drive around. and it was gay.
i've been basically living off of salsa and chips for the past few days. and im super sick right now. i hardly can talk, being that i hardly have a voice to do so. and it looks like my night is going to spent puking up my guts, stressing over my research paper, planning a suprise party with my half sister, and being a gay. yep, i'd call it a day.
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[04 Mar 2006|10:48pm] |
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today was confusing as hell. what theee eff man. really, it went up and down and up and down.
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| early mornings. |
[28 Feb 2006|06:43am] |
blaaaaaaahhh
uh yea im real tired-ish.
Thursday is Hawthorne Heights with Davey =D yayy
i really can't wait. at. all. I happen to be missing
a banquet for this show. Which is all good.
today i have to work. and then go YG -- Revelations,
which to me, seems all trippy and amazing. I still
have to find a ride to Paul and Meredith's though.
im really stressed about school too. poop. time for the bus.
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| by chance? |
[23 Feb 2006|06:54pm] |
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oh on my way home from work. i like just heard the tail end of this announcement. and it said call for a free cd. be caller # 11. i called. and won. i dont know what cd it is. but i have to pikc it up soon. uh but yea i dont know when i have time. today's a good day.
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[23 Feb 2006|06:01pm] |
yo i just got home from work. and my mom had this amazing dinna cooked up.
those crazy asians. they come up with the best food ever.
my mom is pretty good at copying it.
ahhh nummm numsss !!
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| if love is a labor i'll slave till the end. <33456abc |
[19 Feb 2006|02:03pm] |
im sick to my stomach. yay. i love this. puke stuck in my stitches. i'm going to try to eat Ramen soup, my fave. i was spossed to go to two baby showers today. neither of which im making today. dave's coming over.
i must say. i am really lucky.
Plans have been changed. Changes make life interesting. I'm really in love with life nowadays.
i am going to see Death Cab with my NumNum, Allie DeCastrooo. This should be funnn <33
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| BITCHES GET STITCHES |
[17 Feb 2006|11:08pm] |
yayyyy im going to see Hawthorne Heights on Thursday,
March 2nd at the HOB -- thanks to DAVE =D ... 12 days
&& Death Cab for Cutie Saturday April 8th - -
thanks to my dad for being willing enough to
take me .... 42 days?¿ <33333456768
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| surgeryyy and poo. |
[17 Feb 2006|06:10pm] |
daves really asleep in my bed. he looks awfully comfortable. like . . . dead. asleep. he's lucky.
i cant sleep at all because im not allowed to lay down because it fucks up the way my blood flows or some shit. and if i lay down ill start gushing blood again?
i have icepacks attached to my face. haa i look real cute. i have bruises all over my arms, near the crease on the other side of my arm of the elbow, from where they kept sticking me with needles. those ass fucks.
i keep choking on stitches cause theyre so long. im not in any pain at all yet from being so doped up. but this whole thing is just fucking annoyingggggggg.
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[17 Feb 2006|04:47pm] |
so yea today i got my wisdom teeth taken out. first they couldnt find a vein to pump the drugs into me. so they just kinda kept stabbing at my arms with needles and searching for veins. when they finally found one it kept squirting out blood on the docter ha that was sorta funny. then i was knocked out. woke up an hour later with stitches and such and i couldnt feel a damn thing. my mom said i kept messing with my tounge because i couldnt feel it. i dont remember half of what happened afterwards. dave and my mom told me i had the hiccups and each time i would hiccup i would start giggling.
After that we went home. My mouth bled alot. I still cant feel half of my face. For some reason underneath my one eye its purple, and my lip is swollen. I haven't even taken any of my meds yet cause i cant feel a damn thing. I got like hydrocodine and amoxicillin and some other simple pain killer. I ate lots of pudding and icecream and some soup with Dave. So far today we've watched RedEye, The Perfect Man, and Polar Express. Now Dave is upstairs sleeping in my bed. I just got done my bath. I keep getting yelled at because i like shouldn't be moving i should just be laying down for the next two days. But I cant do that. I hate doing nothing. Yep thats about all. OH WAIT. last night was the show @ SIC Civic Center. I must say ATAT definetly pwned. <3 nowww thats all.
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| happy valentines day |
[14 Feb 2006|09:58pm] |
yea i have the best boyfriend ever.
valentines day was great thanks to
a special someone. <33333333333333
my cute little kids got me valentines
and chocolates - - ahh i love work...
uh sometimes. except maybe not this
thursday. uhmm im baking brownies
right now. what is it with me and
baking shit?
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